All Good Things Must Come to an End
by WritingGeek27116
Summary: Sequel to Somebody That I Used to Know CrissColfer AU, Lily dies in Darren's care and he flees again, this time to Chicago and the Starkids. Chris is left to pick up the pieces of his life, but everything goes pear shaped again when Darren returns begging Chris for forgiveness. Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, character death, almost attempted suicide.


**Hi guys! :) **

**This is a sequel to Somebody That I used to Know, and I called it All Good Things Must Come to an End. **

**This was the second prompt: Lily dies in Darren's care. Chris was at the hospital at the time. Darren flees again, this time to Chicago and the Starkids, and Chris is brokenhearted once more, angrier at himself for having been "fooled" twice. Chris returns to Clovis, decides to dedicate himself to saving others who want to live, even though he himself doesn't want to anymore. Darren gets his head out of his ass as Chris is suddenly rediscovered by TMZ as a once-A-list actor who is now a member of the medical elite, one of the best surgeons in the world. This time, however, Chris just doesn't want to be with Darren anymore, even though he still loves him.**

**Bonus points for:**

**- including this line: "I can fix other people's hearts no problem, but he's / you've broken mine beyond repair."**

**Harvey Levin is actually the editor for TMZ, and all the details about him in the ficlet are accurate: wiki/Harvey_Levin**

**CrissColfer AU** - **All Good Things Must Come to an End (Sequel to Somebody That I Used to Know)**

**Author: WritingGeek27116**

**Fandom/Pairing: CrissColfer**

**Rating: NC-16 for character death. **

**Summary: Lily dies in Darren's care and scared he flees to Chicago, leaving Chris to pick up the pieces of his old life back in Clovis. **

**Warnings: Character death, almost attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts. **

**Gratitude: To Mandy (mandifa1315) for her kindness, understanding and general awesomeness. She's my Glee-buddy and I love her 3**

**Dedication: To darrenista for the awesome prompt (sorry this one took so long, I've been SUPER busy), and for the last prompt as well, thanks darrenista! :):):) **

**I hope you all enjoy. **

**While you're reading this, I suggest listening to "Fix You" by Coldplay, as I had it on repeat while writing this ficlet: watch?v=JI-o25K6B-E**

**Your reviews are better than Chris Colfer's cat, Brian. **

**Klaine kisses and CrissColfer hugs. **

**-WGeek~**

Being with the person you love just does something to you. I can't explain it, but from the minute you're back in your lovers arms everything is seemingly unimportant apart from them. You feel overjoyed, excited, liberated, free. There's nothing holding you back any longer, and you've got no boundary's stopping you from anything. Everything is perfect, everything is right. Finally there's a reason, a reason for you to be here, on Earth. You were _meant_ to be here so you could be happy, so you could love the other more than anyone else. I was happy, I had my family, I had Lily and now I had Darren. The guy I was meant to be with. We were made for each other, soul mates, he was the salt to my pepper, the Harry to my Ginny. Him and Lily meant the world to me, and besides my family and beautiful little Hannah I didn't need anything as long as I had them. I felt like I was living in a Meg Ryan movie. I couldn't help it though, I was finally happy in life. I felt like all my pain from the past few years had been obliterated, and I was left with nothing but joy. Sheer, unfathomable joy.

It was perfect. Everything was perfect, life was perfect. Though through all of the soppy love I still wanted to be a surgeon, now that Darren had got me out of my comfort zone and talking to strangers again I loved more job more and more with every day, getting to know the patients better. The hours were inconvienient though, and I didn't get to spend as much time with Darren as I would of liked, but that's life. Some things just don't go your way, but you just have to take it on the chin and move on. So I stayed being a surgeon in a hospital in San Fransisco, and Darren was a musician playing in Starbucks and bars to earn some extra money, but to be honest he was doing it more for pleasure than for the money, because I earned more than enough to live on as a surgeon.

"I love you.." Darren whispered, his face shadowed slightly by the sheet resting on his cheek, hiding us from the rest of our bedroom.

"I love you more." I smiled, leaning forward to drop a chaste kiss to his lips. Just as Darren's lips parted for more Lily started screaming her lungs off from her cot. I chuckled a little and Darren sighed.

"It's your turn." He grumbled, gesturing to the cot.

"But I don't want to do it!" I replied with a humongous pout, hoping that would convince him to go and check Lily was OK.

"Go on Christopher, we all know you want to." I grumbled something ineloquent under my breath and climbed out of bed, picking Lily up and swaying her calmly, humming a soft nursery rhyme until she fell back to sleep. I placed her carefully in her cot and pulled over her covers, tucking her in before I crept back to my own bed.

"I'm back." I informed him as I pulled the covers back over myself and snuggled closer to Darren.

"You know this means we can't have sex, right?"

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"With Lily here, we can't have sex. I miss our sex, it was really good."

"I miss it too. But I agree that it would be really weird with Lily in here, even if she's too young to understand what we're doing."

"Yeah it would." Darren replied with a nod, reaching over to tug me across the bed till he was on his back and I was laying to the side of him, my head finding the crook of his neck. The covers blew off our faces due to the wind from the open window, but I just snuggled a little closer to Darren and kissed the salty skin of his neck, licking my lips to collect the distinctive and addictive taste of his skin.

"Goodnight Darren." I mumbled against his skin, pulling back a little to get a comfy position on his shoulder.

"Goodnight Chris, sleep well my love." Darren replied quietly, kissing my forehead softly.

"You sound like an old man." I chuckled, "actually if I called you princess, or buttercup we could be an old married couple."

"Mmm..I prefer princess, buttercup sounds like a girls name" Darren answered, a smile flickering across his lips.

"Ha. Yeah, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"What's your favourite holiday?" I couldn't quite remember what holiday he liked best.

"Valentines Day."

"Oh yeah. Just like Blaine." I grinned, remembering Kurt's bright eyed, dapper lover. I always used to despise the gel they put in Darren locks, because all I wanted to do on set was reach up and run my hands through that helmet of chocolate curls, and I never could because they were literally glued to Darren head. I succumed to my sudden urges and reached up, running one of my hands straight through Darren's hair, my fingers spread so the ringlets rushed between them.

"Yeah." Darren sighed, "just like Blaine."

**Buhhh, Buhhh, Buhhh, Buhhh! **(This is _supposed _to be Darren's alarm clock my dear readers.)

I groaned and slapped the 'Snooze' button on Darren's gray alarm clock, cursing under my breath as I forced my tired eyes open. The bones in my face ached, and I whimpered slightly as my jaw stretched painfully so I could yawn. I pulled the covers back and shuffled a little out of bed.

"No.." Darren said suddenly, grabbing onto my hips and pulling me close to him. "You can't leave, please don't go. Stay with me, don't go to work, who wants to help all those stupid kids anyway? Not you."

"Darren..baby, one of those 'stupid kids' was Lily once. Don't be so ignorant and let me go." I chuckled, trying to pull out of his death grip.

"Nooo!" He whined, pinning me flush against his chest.

"Darren. Let. Me. Go." I ordered, trying to be stern but not succeding as the humor seeped into my voice. The truth was I didn't particulary want to go to work because I really loved the...attention? That makes me sound really self-centered and selfish but I loved the feeling of being _wanted_, and right now Darren was being particulary wanton and needy and was refusing to release me.

"No! You're never leaving me! I want to keep you here forever, fuck work..spend the day with me and Lily, I'm taking her to the park today." Darren begged, kissing a stripe up my neck as he clawed at my t-shirt. I wiggled a little and managed to successfully pull myself out of his grasp, and then I jumped up and hopped to the bathroom, Darren's mock sobs echoing through the room and to the bathroom as I left. I took the briefest of showers, brushing my teeth and wrapping a towel round my waist. I slipped back into our room and grabbed all the clothes I'd need in our walk-in wardrobe. I changed quickly and when I'd pulled my socks on and towel dried my hair, I threw my towel into the hamper (that was mysteriously missing it's lid...) and sauntered back over to the bed.

I crawled up Darren's body, settling on his waist with my knees resting either side of him; so he was effectively straddling me.

"I love you." I smiled, dropping a kiss to his lips. "Uhh..sweetie, _please_ would you shave today while I'm at work?" I pleaded, running my fingers over the thick hair on his chin, which with a little more growing would become a full on Dumbledore beard (except in a shade of chestnut instead of silver.)

"I love you more. And..maybe, if you're lucky." Darren grinned, opening his eyes wide and pulling me down for a longing kiss.

"Yay. That gives me hope." I laughed, climbing off despite Darren's whining and skipping to the kitchen for breakfast. While I was pushing some bread into the toaster Darren dragged himself out of bed and through the kitchen, looking like a zombie.

"Sweetie!" I said a little urgently, jumping forward to catch him before he collapsed. He sighed and melted into me, resting his head on my shoulder and nuzzling my neck with his nose. "Darren, it's like 4AM! Go back to bed!"

"I wanted to say goodbye." Darren muttered simply, voice lax and tired.

"Goodbye Darren, I'll see you when I get home. I love you." I hummed, kissing the top of his head before ushering him back to bed. Bless him. Getting up _just _so he can say goodbye. I piled my toast with Nutella and chomped away as I glanced at the obituaries at the back of today's newspaper. On my drive to work I sang along to the radio happily, belting out 'Silly Love Songs' at the top of my voice and laughing at my own stupidity. I hoped the day would come and go quickly so I could get back home to Darren, I miss him already.

Luckily for me, the morning passed in a flurry of blood and rigorously washing my hands. I'd done a few minor operations, nothing overly serious. But soon lunch was over too, and I headed back up to the ward to have check-up appiontments with all the patients I'd done transplants for in the past couple of months.

"Good afternoon !" Chirped Valerie, the receptionist.

"Hello Valerie." I smiled, signing back into my shift. "How are you on this delightfully sunny Monday?"

"I am very well thank you, and yourself?"

"I'm fine thanks." I smiled, waving her goodbye as I headed to my waiting patients. I tried not to think of what Darren was doing for the rest of the day, knowing I'd miss him and Lily way too much if I thought about them. My patience was running pretty low as I glanced over my very last patients head at the clock though, 10PM...Lily would be fast asleep by now, and I just hoped Darren would be wating up for me. My heart did little happy jumps as I finished up at the hospital, bidding everybody farewell, signing out and literally running across the parking lot to my car. I drove swiftly home, running up the drive and unlocking the front door.

"Hunny I'm home!" I whisper-shouted because I knew Lily was asleep and I didn't want to wake her, when there wasn't an answer I walked through to the pitch black living room, flicking on the light and looking around. Maybe Darren was already asleep? His weekend was jam-packed with gigs so I'm not really suprised he's so exhausted. I ventured into the kitchen and poured myself some apple juice, carrying the glass through to our bedroom. I twirled the light switch (it was a dimmer switch) so it was on a dim light and a frown pinched my eyebrows as I saw our bed was completely empty.

I slowly walked over to Lily's cot, my heartbeat increasing as I approached it. Standing above the cot I could see the outline of Lily's shape underneath a crisp, white sheet. My hand curled around the corner and I pulled half of it back in one quick motion, a shrill scream ripping from my throat at the sight. I leapt back and screamed again, flapping my hands to get away from the cot. My screaming roused a lone dove to swoop from the trees and into the night sky. I watched as it flew in the direction of the stars, it's young, ivory feathers moving as it soared through the night.

My hand flew up to cover my mouth, tears shooting down my face as I shook from head to toe. It felt like everything, absolutley _everything_ was crashing down. Something dropped in the pit of my stomach, the weight that was keeping me sane. It was like when you go on a rollercoaster and you're at the top of the steep hill, and you're just about to face the other side, because everything that goes up _has_ to come down. And then you storm down the track and your stomach lurches, it's that feeling but it never goes away. It doesn't stop the minute you get to the end of the rollercoaster, it just keeps going and going. It feels like your stuck on a downward spiral.

I felt sick,_ disgusted_. I stumbled back and fell against the wall, sliding to the floor. I dragged my legs up till they were pressed against my chest and I hugged my knees, swaying back and forth as I sobbed. I felt like I was going crazy, that I belonged in a mental institution or something, a place for the medically insane.

**Darren's P.O.V**

Everything was gone, everything had ended. This was it. Lily was dead and now that I didn't have Chris I just needed to die. What the hell was the point in living now? I had _nothing_. It was all lost, my mind, soul, emotions and body. I didn't need life, I didn't deserve to live. I was going to hell, I hadn't looked after Lily enough, she's _dead_. Dead. And it was all my fault. I didn't save her, I just let her die. My foot scraped forward an inch more, causing a loose rock to fall from the bridge. It rocketed downwards, landing with a _splash _in the blue ice water below. I shivered as a hard wind hit me like a brick wall, I took a deep, deep breath and took another small step forward. I was teetering on the edge of the bridge, the edge of life. One more step and this would all be over, the pain, the guilt, the sorrow, the regret. It'd all be gone, and the world would be a much better place with me dead.

I looked down and swallowed loudly, I just needed to do this before somebody spots me. Just then my phone started buzzing in my pocket, with a frown I fished it out and checked the caller ID, it was Joey. Should I answer it? Will he know what I'm about to do? Maybe he already knows, Chris could have rang to ask where I was. It kept ringing, my thumb hovered over the illuminated green answer button. In a snap desicion I pressed the green button and brought the phone quickly to my ear.

"Hi.." I mumbled, shivering as another rush of wind almost knocked me sideways. If I didn't jump soon, the wind was going to push me off the edge just by sheer force.

"Darren! Hey man how ar-" Joey stopped as I burst into tears, just the sound of his voice sending so many feels running through my body. "Darren? Darren why the hell are you on a bridge?" Joey voice suddenly became anxious.

"How did you know that?"

"I'm tracking your phone on my new tracker app, what are you doing on a bridge, Darren?"

"I can't do it Joey, s-she's g-gone." I cried, my voice breaking as I spoke.

"Darren. OK listen to me very carefully." Joey all but demanded, it was clear he was trying to keep his voice as calm as possible, though it really wasn't working. "Are you listening?"

"Y-yes." I sniffled, clinging onto his every word.

"I'm coming to get you. Hold on, please Darren, _don't _jump." Joey instructed, I listened as I heard the running of feet, a car door closing and an engine starting. I swayed back and forth on the balls of my feet, clutching onto the phone as tears streamed down my face. Joey was going to be here soon, and all I really knew right now was that I needed to see his face just one last time before I die. I needed to hear his light, playful voice just a little more before I stepped off that edge, I wanted just one last hug before everything comes to end. And as the saying goes, _all good things must come to an end, _even life.

"Darren!" My head snapped round at the sound of Joey's voice, and then he was running towards me. He ran up the criss-crossed metal barrier that I'd already climbed through and was leaning against, right on the edge of the bridge. "Darren OK, just take my hand." I reached and grabbed Joey's outstretched hand, clutching onto it for dear life. "Will you please just get down, just for now? Please just explain what's going on Darren, I'll help you I _promise_." Joey begged, squeezing my hand. His offer seemed like the most appealing option, my heart swelling at the hand-squeezing gesture. Chris used to do that. Oh but Chris. I can't see his face again, the disgust in his eyes.

"I can't Joey..I can't face Chris again." I shook my head, staring down at the icy river below.

"Darren you don't have to see Chris ever again, he's in San Fransisco and you're here in Chicago. You're hundreds of miles apart." Joey reminded me, pulling on my arm slightly in hope that I'd just walk back to where he was standing on the bridge.

"But what if he comes to try and find me?" I asked, my voice weak and tired.

"You don't have to see him, Darren. We'll figure that out when we get to it, just please _please_ get down from the edge. You have so much left to do in your life, and if you jump now you'll never get to discover what life has in store for you." Joey answered. I took a minute, gathering my thoughts. Joey's offer did seem much easier than jumping into a freezing cold river, and I could just spend the rest of life shying away and avoiding human contact, avoid people's cruel stares when they find out about Lily. What will Joey think?

"Lily's dead." I croaked, he'll probably push me towards the river now.

"W-what? Oh God Darren, what happened?" Joey asked, his voice distraught and hurt.

"I just let her die, Joey..I didn't even try and save her. I think she was having a heart attack, but before I could save her she was gone."

"Darren I'm so sorry..." Joey whispered, I turned to see him shaking his head in disbelief.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked him, confusion flooding my tone. "I just let her die, Joey. I'm the bad guy, I'm the villan."

"No, no Darren you're not. Please just..come on, get down." Joey looked at me with burning eyes, and I instantly swayed towards him. I climbed back through the barrier on shaking legs and all but fell into Joey's arms, instantly being embraced in a fierce hug.

"Let's go." Joey instructed, taking my hand once again and leading me to his car. After being on that bridge ready to jump everything seemed numb, and as we zoomed past colorfully lit skyscrapers everything became a blur, the colors all melding into one as I continued to stare at them. We arrived at Joey's house and before Joey had closed the door behind us Bonnie tackled me, pulling me into a hug. When she pulled back she place her hands on either side of my face, her shimmering turquoise eyes fixed on mine as she gave me a long look. She leant forward and kissed my forehead lightly, running her fingers through my messy hair a couple of times just because she could.

"I love you." I smiled, kissing her cheek softly and releasing her to accept hugs from Jaime and Lauren. They were all so sweet, relaxing back into watching TV once I'd sat down and not pestering me on what had happened. It was so nice to see that they were just happy I was safe, instead of insistent on getting the all the details. I really did adore these guys.

**Chris' P.O.V**

Why was this happening to me? Why me? It felt like God was punishing me or something, sending all these bad curses down to ruin me and my family's lives. I knew that I was just using God as somebody to blame for all this mess, because blaming myself or Darren has me rethinking why I was even born in the first place. If all this hurt, all this pain was going to be on me and the people around me in my life span, why in the world was I truly born? I guess it's because somebody needs to take it. Somebody has to be the strong one and have the ability to forgive and move on, to turn the other cheek. But why me? I'm weak, boneless. I'm not the strong one. Right now I would chop my left arm off for one of Darren's bear hugs, so cosy and warm, all comfort and no pain, that's what I needed right now.

I sat there in the pitch black clinging to my knees, staring into the eary darkness as I let all this sink in. Finally, _finally _the stupidity kicked in. Darren was gone, and there was no point in even bothering to contact him because he wouldn't pick up. He'd fled. He was scared and now he had disappeared. He'd fooled me _again_. Why are you _so_ stupid, Chris? Why? The first time round you were innocent and you fell in love, then he cheated on you and came running back years later begging for forgiveness. Now a normal person would have just turned on their heel and walked away, but not you, _no_. Instead you decide to run of with him to San Fransisco to this fairytale life that you'd always dreamed of, which was obviously not going to work out. And now he's gone. You were in love the first time, but on that second occassion you were downright _pathetic_.

Hours passed but I just sat there, completley oblivious to the time. Lily was gone, the hospital had taken her and I'd hidden in the wardrobe, pretending I'd gone to stay at my parents house (that's what I told the doctors.) They said they'd keep her body until Darren and I were ready to get her buried, and so now her cot was hauntingly empty, and just one look at it made my heart and gut _squeeze _painfully. How did Darren exude so much trust, when inside he was his same old cheating soul? This time he didn't cheat though, he ran away when I needed him the most, and it hurt so much more than last time. I'd lost two of the most important people in my life in the last couple of hours, and this had to be the worst day of my entire life. Why did Darren run? I _needed_ him. We could have faced this together, Lily was my daughter too.

It hurt so much more than last time. It was like before Darren had tore the opening to a raw nerve but hadn't really done much else, but this time he'd striked that nerve _hard_. Everything from my fingers to my scalp _ached_, and I was mentally scarred, bruised for life. Bruises that will never really heal, not properly. They'll always be there, to remind me _just _how much I can mess up. Darren had taught me a valuable lesson though: _nobody_ deserves a second chance. They'll just abuse it, they'll crush your heart right in front of your eyes, just so they can see how much it damages you. It's just sad that I had to learn that lesson the hard way.

Everything was raw pain as I re-packed my bags, whimpering quietly as I passed Darren's empty shelves to get my own clothes. I'd decided I was going to go back to Clovis, back to the place where I was _sure_ I was going to be safe, where nobody but myself could hurt me. This falling in love nonsense had left me heartbroken and alone in a house that I don't even own, and now I have to start all over just because of a little _temptation_. I need a temptation free place, I will not take the apple like Adam, I won't succum to my temptations no matter how much I want to. It felt like my chest was missing my heart, the space where the important organ is supposed to fit left _empty_ and lifeless, and I was only ever sure that I actually had a heart when it gave a spine crunching _squeeze_, sending goosebumps rushing over my clothed arms and shoulders.

I drove and drove, letting my mind escape me as I followed the familiar route home. Home sweet home. Everything slowly became pointless, the turn of the steering wheel, the press of my foot on the accelerator, the shift of gears; it was all building up to my return home. But I don't see _why _I'm really going home, yes it's safe and yes my family is there but I just don't see the point. At home there's Hannah, my parents and my job (which I will have to grovell and beg to get back.) That's it. Why would I want to go back to that? How is that _really_ living? It isn't. I've spent 3/4 of my life in Clovis and it's just a dead end. But I can't go anywhere else, I don't _want_ to go somewhere else all _alone_. I was just heading back to Clovis because it's my safety blanket, I knew every face in the whole town and I knew none of them had the potential to harm me. If I don't particulary feel Clovis is going to help me to live life to the fullest and I don't want to go anywhere else, what's really the point in living? I'm a surgeon, I help people and I've barely sinned in my life, I'd go to heaven without a doubt. Heaven is safe, and nice, and I heard the food's good there. I just wish there wasn't my family though, they're the only reason I don't want to commit suicide. I couldn't do that to poor Hannah, that's just cruel. Just because I hate my life, why should she have to be affected? If I kill myself I'd be taking away her only other sibling, and I knew how much I meant to her, and how much she means to me.

I'd get to see Lily though, up there in heaven. Why not? Just why. Is is selfish of me to want to see my daughter (not by blood relation, but I definitely used to treat her like one of my own) just one more time? Get to hold her just once more, see those little springs of cocoa hair, that big bright smile she has on her face when someone sings to her. She loved music. I think if she'd had the chance to live she'd of become a musician like her dad, it would of been so beautiful to watch her grow, and to nourish her with tips Darren and I had picked up working on Glee. A shiver rocketed down my spine at the thoughts of Darren, but I shook it off as I pulled into my parents' drive. I'd sold the house I used to live in when Darren and I moved to San Fransisco with Lily, so I'd have to stay with my parents till I get a new place. I also needed to get my job back, and so I knew for the next month I'd have my work cut out trying to convince Franco Benne (the manager) that I won't quit my job one day and run off with my lover to another state.

**Darren's P.O.V **

Things seemed like they were the same as before, but I could just tell that they weren't. I could feel it in my bones, something just wasn't right, something was _missing_. The Starkids were amazingly supportive and kind, and when I was upset they offered me a hot beverage and a tub of my favorite Ben & Jerry's ice cream (cookie dough.) But it felt like they were all stepping on egg shells around me, they were all so afraid (even Joey) of saying something wrong and me freaking out at them, though I wouldn't do that. They were great, but if I was honest I was missing everything about my old life. This is why I moved away from the Starkids in the first place, not because I didn't love them, but because I just felt like I'd been around them for so long that I was almost too comfortable, and we were so close it was actually starting to get annoying. I started to see a therapist in the weeks and months after Lily's death, and I realized after a lot of passing blame and crying hysterically that Lily's death wasn't my fault. It wasn't Chris' fault either, Lily was just meant to go then. She would of been in so much pain in her life, and her heart condition would have made it so hard for her to do the things other children were doing as she grew older. Like she wouldn't be able to go to sleepovers because she might forget to take her heart tablets, and she wouldn't be able to play sports with her friends for very long because she'd get out of breath and may have a heart attack. I eventually knew that Lily passing away was the best possible thing for her, now I just need to sort things out with Chris.

I missed Lily so much everyday, but about ten months after her death I decided to return to work. As soon as I arrived at the coffee shop I was playing at that day I spotted a tall, incredibly slim man, with pale skin and the most gorgeous pair of hazel eyes. It wasn't Chris, but the similarities were close enough to shoot me with guilt. I couldn't perform for the next three months, I just cried and cried, that one man had been my everything. Chris Colfer. He was my rock, my friend, my lover, and I just left him. _Again_. The decision to flee before he got home from work all those months ago had seemed like the right one at the time, but in hindsight it couldn't have been a worse choice. We could have worked this all out together, why had I been so selfish? Lily was his daughter too, and just because they weren't blood related it didn't mean that Lily's death hadn't affected him at all. Of course Lily dying would of killed him inside. I _swore. _I swore I would never leave him like I did the first time, but I did. I just packed up my bags and left him to come home to find Lily, with just a sheet covering her up. How could I do that to him? Why did I do that? Chris gave me a second chance and I blew it. Escaping before Chris got home from the hospital has to be one of the worst, most immoral things I've done in my entire life. Period.

I rolled over again and again heaving out sighs and groans as I tried to get comfortable. I just couldn't sleep tonight, I knew it wasn't the bed because it had been perfectly comfortable up until tonight. I closed my eyes and whined loudly, pouting the tiniest bit as I rubbed my index and forefingers over both of my shut eyelids, trying to relax myself. I was so tense tonight though, because everytime I tried to sleep Chris' warm and comfortable, yet piercing and glittering amethyst eyes clogged my mind. I couldn't get him out of my head, but it had been almost a year since I had last seen him. I can't just show up out of the blue and beg for his forgiveness like last time, can I? Maybe it'll be a Christmas miracle. I knew I'd hurt Chris bad, but I couldn't stop thinking about him and every thought about the gorgeous man send guilt pulsing through my veins and poisoning my body. I had to at least try, because you never know until you try.

I missed him like crazy. Ever since I saw that boy in the coffee shop a couple of months ago my stomach had been filled with a sick, guiltly feeling. It was homesickness, yet I knew returning to San Fransisco would bring back old memories that I just couldn't deal with right now. I knew I was still fragile, and I couldn't bare walking back into my mom's arms after everything that had happened. It felt like all this hurt and pain could be cured if I just had Chris, if I had Chris everything would be OK again. Everything is always OK when he's around, he's like an angel, my angel. Any pictures I dig up of us together brings back so much sorrow that I'm not sure sometimes whether I want to get out of bed. Whats the point, really? Without him I'm nothing, not really. I'm Darren Criss, but that doesn't mean anything to anybody anymore. I'm old news, an old record, just another faded memory of a celebrity from the past. Chris and Lily were my everything, but now that Lily's gone Chris is left. He used to need me as much as I need him, but now I feel like I just need him, and he's moved on already. He might have even got a new boyfriend? The thought of that makes me want to vomit, thinking of another man kissing..._touching_ Chris. He's a gem, he's even in-line for the British throne. I bet his new boyfriend doesn't know that, because no boyfriend Chris will ever get will love him more than I do. I can't even put into words _just _how much the countertenor means to me. But I left him, doesn't that make it seem like I didn't really care? I did care, I still do care.

I guess the sheer _idea_ of facing Chris after I was sure I'd killed Lily was so scary that I just had to run, I had to admit defeat and just run. I don't give up often, but that was something I had to do. It wasn't my finest moment, but I couldn't bare the idea of looking into those pain filled, teary eyes and know that _I _was the one responsible. Now I can though, I'm ready to face him and give him the honest truth about why I left for a second time, and I just pray that he forgives me. If he doesn't forgive me I don't know what I'll do...I might as well just end life right there and then, because I can't go on living with this burden of guilt. It hurts too much. I dragged the covers back and shivered as the chilly December air hit my exposed legs. Goosebumps prickled across the skin as I ran over and pulled on some clothes, not really bothering to look fashionable just piling the layers on. I slipped on socks and shoes, before yanking a wolly blue jumper covered in snowflakes that my mom had gotten me last Christmas over my head. I zipped up my coat, wrapped my red scarf around my neck and grabbed my gloves, phone, keys, wallet then went to say goodbye to Joey. I thanked him for everything, telling him I'd be back as soon as possible to get my clothes from his spare bedroom. And then I took a huge deep breath, slipped on my burgundy gloves and stepped out into the cold winter night, where the first flakes of snow were falling from the sky. It was snowing, at Christmas. I should be happier about that, but I couldn't care less about the snow as I passed still lit shop windows.

I kept my head down, away from the harsh wind blowing in my direction and all the snow (which was getting heavier by the minute.) I trudged down the street, passing shop after shop but not paying any attention. I caught the toe of my right foot on my ankle suddenly and quite abruptly fell to the ground, catching myself with my hands before my face slammed into the concrete. I groaned and rolled over on the street, spreading out into a starfish shape and staring up at the sky. It was a canvas of indigo, with little sparkles of shimmering alabaster that twinkled in the night. The half moon was a magnificent ashen, with hints of gray and coal at the edges. I raised my hand and pointed to the star furthest North of the rest and smiled. From now on, that was Chris' star. Always there to light his way, and to remind him he's always going to be a star in my eyes, shining bright above the rest, no matter what the world thinks of him.

I heard a crunching sound behind me and leapt up, my hand flying protectively to my neck and my forefinger running over the smooth metal of my oval pendant. The passer-byer, a woman dressed in more scarves and hats than I thought was humanley possible, rushed past me awkwardly with a forced smile. I kept my hand to my neck as I turned and carried on walking, my finger discovering the grooves in the pendant. My grandma had left it to me in her will, and her only wish was that I pass it on to someone I loved more than the world. I was going to give it to Lily when she was 16, but now that I can't do that I should give it to the next most important person in my life; Chris. I took it off and pried open the metal front (which had a simple yet beautiful flower outline), it didn't have a picture inside because I was saving it for someone special, and so I opened my wallet and pulled out a small picture of me and Chris.

It was my favorite picture of the both of us; the day that we'd gone for a picnic in Central Park. Nobody had recognized us, there were no paparrazzi or people to stop us from being who we wanted to be, and the day couldn't have been more _perfect_. The skies had opened just as we'd found safety under an ancient oak tree, but we just laughed it off because _nothing_, not even rain, could ruin our day. Chris had chased me round and round, getting us both soaked but making us very _very_ happy.

Then we'd asked a stranger to take a picture of us together, a rainbow spreading across the sky behind us as the insignificant other took the photo. Tears built up in my eyes as I remembered all the feels I had that day; the happiness, the love, the passion, the reality, the beautiful boy I could call _mine_.

I ran my thumb over Chris' figure, making a tram line in the layer of snow that had fallen on the photo. I took out some tiny nail scissors that I'd kept from a few Christmas' ago and cut the photo to fit into the small locket, making sure both mine and Chris' faces and some of our bodies were visible. I slid the photo cleanly into the picture slot and disposed of the rest of the photo in a nearby trash can/

I walked towards the train station as I re-attached the necklace round my neck, knowing I'd find Chris the quickest on the train because of the snow. I decided on heading straight to Clovis, he would have probably returned home after Lily's death and so that was the best place to start looking for him.

**Chris' P.O.V**

The days passed in a blink of an eye, but never did a day go by without me suffering. I quickly escaped my mother's monthly room check's by buying another house, and I avoided my dad's awkward "everything's going to be OK, son" talks by getting my job back at the hospital. Days in and out were spent saving people's lives, or just simply checking up on outpatients. With every day came a new challenge, a more time consuming and heart breaking surgery. Being a surgeon was something I was good at, and even though the passion of the job had disappeared since I'd returned, it gave me something to do in the daytime. I feel like if I'm not a surgeon I'd just be sitting at home, doing nothing with my life at all. Which seems pointless and depressing, and so I try to do as many extra hours as the hospital will give me to avoid returning to my mundane, dull home. With nobody to love me, and nobody that really _cares_, I sometimes wonder why I'm still around.

I might as well just die now really. Killing myself would be the most sensible and easiest option. There was always the option of suicide in the back of my mind, just a harmless little thought that was primarily revolved around one question; _what if..?_ When I arrived back in Clovis I'd stared long and hard at the bridge in the horizon, it would take less than half an hour to get to it by boat, and so within the hour I could be right at the edge, stepping off and going into a better, healthier life in heaven. I would be able to join Lily, my grandma and the other's I cared about so much that I'd lost. I'd thought about it, but it seemed like an unreachable option because there was so many things holding me back: the patients lives I could save with my expertise, as I was one of the most skilled surgeons in the world; Hannah, who's life would fall at her feet if I killed myself, why should she be the one to suffer the consequences of my actions?; my family, who have done so much for me that killing myself would just be slapping them in the face, making them guilty that they didn't do more to help me while I was still alive. It wasn't fair to them for me to end life, I'd lived with this pain for ten whole years, I could live with it for another ten.

I headed to work in a horrible mood because it was snowing; snow was Darren's favourite weather. He used to say that he loved it because he could have snowball fights, but I knew he really loved it because he got to make snow angles in the ground. Thoughts of Darren fogged my mind as I pulled into the hospital car park, my heart starting to ache as I thought of all the things I missed about Darren and tried not to cry. I made it all the way up to the empty surgery changing rooms before I broke down, collapsing onto one of the wooden benches and sobbing. Everything around the room suddenly reminded me of Darren: the granite tiles that sat on the floor were the same color as the twinkle in his eye when he writes a new song; the hazelnut benches were the same color as his glittering eyes; the blue surgeons gear was the same color as his favorite pair of sneakers; the shiny gold clothes hooks were the same metal as the locket his grandma left him when she died, he wore it everyday without fail and it was probably one of my favorite things about him, because he puts his family before what people may think of him wearing a girly necklace. I had to drag myself eventually to change, knowing I had an outpatient visit on the Second Floor in ten minutes.

I read the information on my computer screen, reminding myself of the personal details of my patient.

**Name: Harvey Levin**

**DOB: 02/09/1950**

**Social Security Number: 578-32-9086**

**Promblem/s: Failed kidney**

**Surgery: Kidney transplantation**

**Doner: Joshua Joey Geller**

"So , how are the new kidneys? Have you noticed any side effects?" I asked him, turning away from my computer screen to face him.

"Hold on a minute, what's your full name doctor?" Asked Levin with a frown, his lips pursed in interest.

"Christopher Paul Colfer, why?"

"You used to be a Glee star!" He almost shouted, jumping out of his seat in excitement before sitting back down again. "And now you're one of the best surgeons in the world, that's fantastic. Say doctor, how about we feature you in TMZ? I can get you on the front page, this is even better than the news update on Kim Kardashian's sex tape."

"..Y'know what, do what you want." I answered with a shrug, shaking my head a little. I didn't really care about fame or stardom anymore, all I wanted to do was help people live their lives to the fullest, even though I don't really want to live mine anymore.

"Awesome!" He cheered, digging through his pocket for a voice recorder and holding it near my face. I followed his lead, answering his questions with honesty. When questions arose about the other Glee cast, I lied and said that I saw them at Christmas time and that I was going to stay with Amber Riley in a couple of days. When asked about Darren I skipped over everything that had happened between us and left it as a simple "we're still really great friends, I see him a lot." I remembered my interview coaching all those years ago, and one of the biggest pointers was to leave out as many details about people you've dated, or people you are dating to stop annoying questions. I just wanted to live my life in peace and quiet, and so paparrazzi outside my front door asking about Darren was something I was keen to avoid. After Levin had all his information, he finally gave me the opportunity to ask him about his new kidney and I increased his dose of pills so they'd have more affect on his body.

After I had four more patients, all of them coming and going at snail pace. Finally at around midday I headed down to the cafeteria to get some lunch, but lost my appetite quickly when I spotted a gay couple admiring their sleeping baby. Jealousy and sadness crawled in my gut as I quickly turned on my heel and walked straight into someone.

"Sorry." I muttered, not looking up as I dodged out the way and carried on walking, tears heavy in my eyes.

"Chris!" Somebody shouted, a frown pinched my eyebrows as I turned round. I met a pair of jade eyes, with swirls of sunburnt orange and hints of aquamarine in them. Every hair on my body stood on end as my eyes travelled up and down the painfully familiar person in front of me, the only olive skin in sight was on his face, which was flushed and cold. The rest of his body was covered in thick clothing, coats, scarves and gloves, so I assume it's still snowing. My mouth fell open on cue as I absorbed what was going on here, everything felt so withdrawn and surreal all of a sudden.

"Darren." I breathed in an almost-sigh, feeling like I should run, hug him and burst into tears all at the same time. As my mind fought to decide which action to choose I sort of just stood there, staring at him with wide eyes. What was he doing here? Anger, definite anger stirred inside of me. How the hell could he just turn up here unannounced? How dare he? After everything he did he just turns up out of the blue. What, did he expect to be forgiven? Was that why he was here? Well that wasn't going to happen, I was never going to forgive him for what he did to me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice a mixture of disbelief and anger.

"Um..could we maybe go somewhere private?" Darren asked, scratching behind his ear with a gloved finger.

"How about the roof?" I asked suddenly, deciding that was the best place because nobody could hear us up there.

"It's snowing."

"There's a small roof thing that we can sit under." I explained.

"That sounds perfect." Darren nodded, smiling at me. I led him through the hospital, him following me like a lost puppy, the lift took us to the top floor and we climbed some more steps to the roof. I pushed open the steel door and it groaned in complaint, I cringed a little at the sound and propped it open. We sat side by side on a step leading down to the actual roof, right underneath the shelter. I watched the delicate snow flakes falling onto the already white sheet covering the floor, each one of them a different shape and size, all unique and different.

"I came to apoligize." Darren quietly said, both of us keeping our eyes on the quickly falling snow.

"Well don't bother." I replied coldly, "I'll never forgive you."

"Chris _please, _can I at least explain?" Darren pleaded, turning to face me. I looked over and for the first time noticed a snowflake melting on the very tip of one of his eyelashes, they were boyishly long and thick. I watched as it slowly melted, a droplet of water flying down to land on Darren's cheekbone. He reached up and wiped it away with his thumb, not taking his eyes off me for a second.

"You have five minutes." I answered finally, my eyes narrowing as I watched him nod. I knew I was being too kind, I should of just refused to let him talk and walked away. But this was Darren, and just five minutes more with this man makes my heart throb nervously, but the good kind of nerves.

"I...I really don't where to start." Darren said honestly after a minute of thought.

"From the beginning seems like a good place."

"Chris, I am_ so _sorry. I can't believe I did this to you _again_, I'm disgusted in myself for putting you through all this pain." Darren muttered, his voice cracking as tears began to flood his exhausted eyes. "Lily died in my care, and I instantly blamed myself because I just let her die. I thought I'd killed her, Chris, and I just couldn't live with myself knowing that I'd let my own daughter die. So I ran, like in every other situation in my life; when something goes wrong I just run away. I can't explain why, I was stupid and selfish for thinking that Lily's death only affected me." Darren admitted, his eyes full of self hatred. A lump rested in my throat, and every swallow and gulp was painful. Why did Darren think that Lily's death was his fault? She had a heart condition, there was nothing he could do about that.

"Darren. Lily's death wasn't your fault, y'know that now right?"

"I do now, but at the time it felt like I was the one responsible. That's why I ran away."

"Where did you even go?" I asked him, suddenly a little intrigued.

"I went to Chicago."

"With the Starkids?"

"With the Starkids." Darren confirmed with a nod.

"What are you even doing here, honestly?

"I can't live with the guilt, Chris." Darren whispered, tears trailing down his face. "I..I feel so awful, and I can't move on without your forgiveness. Please." He begged, I gaped at him. Who the hell does he think he is? Begging of forgiveness after the shit he's put me through.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." I said, standing up.

"What?" Darren asked, standing up with me.

"_You _want me to forgive you?" I snapped, pushing at his shoulders. "I can't believe you'd just show up here with barely an apology and think I'd forgive you. You broke my heart, Darren, _twice_. And I won't let it happen again." With that I turned and began to walk away, my teeth digging into my bottom lip to stop myself from bursting into a flood of tears. With Darren back here, he brought with him so many unwanted memories, that _sting_ with every thought.

"Chris..don't leave. Please Chris! What about Lily?" Darren shouted when I didn't slow, I stopped dead at the mention of Lily's name, a certain need to protect her rushing through me.

"What about Lily?" I bit back, turning my head slightly to meet his eyes.

"I'm her dad too, isn't there a funeral?" Darren asked, I sighed loudly in thought. Darren did have a right to be at Lily's funeral, and this was an already painful ordeal, I didn't need Darren making it more complicated.

"It's on Sunday." I answered him finally, "at the cemetary, 4PM."

"OK...thank you Chris." Darren breathed out, sadness filling his tone. I opened the door without a response and speed walked back to my office. I'd decided to have Lily's funeral this Sunday because it would be a year to the day since I met Lily. I thought it would be a special day to remember such a beautiful little girl. I slammed my office door shut and let out a choked sob, bittersweet hate running through my veins as I collapsed in a chair and rested my forehead on my desk. Everything felt very apathetic and detatched, everything was a hazy blur with Darren's face round ever corner. I didn't sleep well that night, with too many things clogging my mind I was tossing and turning, Brian became so annoyed at one point that he actually stalked back downstairs and fell asleep on the couch.

When I switched on the TV on Saturday morning my face appeared, well a younger, bright eyed me next to my Glee castmates. Another was a picture of me winning the Golden Globe, a small smile flicked across my face as an inkling of happiness arose inside of me; winning that Golden Globe was truly, truly amazing. One of the best moments of my entire life, I still can't remember half of that night though; the memories were mixed with a haze of tuxedos, pink dresses, champagne and the flashing lights of cameras. One of the TMZ news reporters came onto the screen, grinning as he announced today's news. I had to shake my head at some of the ridiculous stories, like Grandma Kardashian making a sex tape with yogurt even though she's like 67. Just as I was about to get some breakfast the guy said _my _name, with a frown I sat back down and listened to the report carefully.

"_Chris Colfer, do you remember that name? 2011 Golden Globe winner, actor on the phenomon that was entitled 'Glee'. That may ring a bell for some of you older folk out there, but we have some hot news on the man. He is currently working in Clovis as a surgeon, and he is one of the best in the world at what he does. From 'Inside the Actors Studio' to part of the medical elite seems like an impressive step to us, so we wish him the best of luck in the future. Tell us what you think of the Kardashian grandmother's sex tape, and this latest news update on Chris Colfer on the TMZ message boards." _I raised my eyebrow towards the TV, part of the medical elite, huh? That sounds much more fancy than it is. It was sort of a shock seeing my face on TV again because it had been so long, but I had agreed to it so I couldn't really complain. With a small shrug I went to make breakfast, deciding to just have a lazy day. Lily's funeral was tomorrow and I was feeling particulary meloncholy, every movement I made felt like more effort than usual; I wish I could just curl up in a ball and sleep for a hundred years and then some.

My eyes opened slightly and I surveyed my plain room, a beam of sugary sunshine breaking through the blinds on the window. Lily's funeral was today, I don't want to get up, I don't want to get up. I have to though, if not for my own wellbeing then for Lily. She deserves both of her dads there to say goodbye to her. I pulled myself out of bed and got ready, dressing in all black for the mournful occassion. I slipped on my shoes at about 3.30PM, wanting to be there a bit early out of respect. When I pulled open the door I was hit with a wall of squeals, I heard women shouting "Chris! Over here, Chris!" and cameras taking pictures of me. It took me right back to the early days, when I'd meet hundreds of fans and do a bunch of press. But why in the world were they outside my door? At now of all moments?

"Chris, turn this way." Men with cameras shouted, I turned to lock my door and then smiled a little as they took pictures of me.

"Chris! I loved you on 'Glee'! Please will you sign this?" A woman asked when I approached her, I nodded and signed in quickly. I signed some more 'Glee' pictures and memorabilia but soon I had to leave, apoligizing profusley as I got into my car. I drove the the cemetary and shook off the surreal madness, deciding I'd sort it all out when I got back; the one thing on my mind was Lily...and maybe Darren a little too. I arrived at the cemetary to see Darren already waiting, dressed in a smart, black tuxedo with a little Lily in the top pocket. That was beautiful; Darren getting a Lily for his daughter. How could one man be so caring, and yet so stupid at the same time? Or had I just got the wrong end of the stick?

**Darren's P.O.V**

The funeral was hauntingly reminiscent, I couldn't stop crying. I just poured out all of my emotions, a tissued clenched in my hand that I kept close to my face. It felt like a part of me was being ripped straight out of my chest when they lowered Lily's coffin to the ground, and it was so _so _awful. My heart burned as everybody around me sobbed, but apart from Chris it felt like nobody _really _understood just how dreadful this was. At the end of the day I was left wanting Chris more than ever before, I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide, but I knew I had some things to sort out first. I felt a little pathetic for thinking I could just waltz in here and ask Chris for an apology even though I'd abandoned him _twice_, leaving him brokenhearted and without even so much as an explination. But I just needed closure, I _needed_ him to tell me once and for all that he forgives me, and we can work the rest out as we go along. It was crucial though that I got his forgiveness. It's like his blessing to let me carry on _properly _living, him allowing me to move on. He had all the control, my heart was in his hands, and it was his desicion as to what to do with it.

I scanned the slowly emptying graveyard and spotted Chris, face in his hands as he swayed back and forth on unsteady legs, all alone. I took my time walking over to him, trying to compose myself.

"Hey." I mumbled, stepping in front of him and resting a firm hand on his arm. He removed his hands and looked at me, pale face blotchy, angry red ringed eyes, cherry pink lips. I took a minute to just appreciate his flawlessness, he was absolutley stunning, right the way down to his smooth yet defined chin, covered in the chalk skin that I loved so very much.

"Hi."

"I..I know this day is about Lily, but I got you a little something. Well..technically I didn't buy it, but it's precious to me and I hope it'll mean something to you to." I reached up and took the locket off from around my neck, before putting it round his own neck.

"Your grandma's locket.." Chris said quietly, as if someone was listening in on our conversation. His right hand flew to the locket, and his finger ran over the minimalistic pattern on the front. "Darren I can't take this."

"It's yours, my grandma wanted me to give it to someone special, and you're the most special person I've ever met. Look inside." I instructed, he brought the pendant to eye level and opened the front, a smile tweaking the corners of his mouth as he saw what was inside.

"That was one of my-"

"-Favourite days, I know. It was one of mine too." I finished for him. "Chris...I know what I did to you was wrong, but I..I can't live with myself if you don't forgive me. _Please_, I'm begging you."

"Darren, I-I just...why do you always leave me?" Chris asked, his voice cracking as he welled up.

"Because I get so caught up in the moment that I think it's the best option, but then I end up regretting it more than ever before." I answered honestly, my heart ripping to shreds as I talked. Just being with Chris, it brought back all the guilt, and it was _agonizing. _

"Darren.._if _I forgive you...you have to _swear_ to me that you'll never put anyone through the crap that you put me through."

"I promise, Chris. _Please_."

"Then I forgive you." Chris said, I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. A ton of weight lifted off my shoulders, and I had to grab onto Chris to stop from falling over as I felt all my culpability fade away. Before I could blink gratitude hit me light a brick wall, and tears began to fall down my face, covering my already tear stained cheeks.

"Thank you, Chris." I all but sobbed.

"Stay totally awesome, Darren." Chris whispered, pain hidden behind his well crafted mask, he turned and began to walk away.

"Wait, Chris. What..what about _us_?" I asked him when he turned back around, wiping the tears away with a sniff.

"There is no _us, _Darren."

"...But Chris, I can't live without you." He stepped forwards, taking both my hands. "Please don't leave...I _need _you."

"Darren, I love you. I always have and I _always_ will. I love you so much that I have to let you go..it's better for the both of us to go our seperate ways." Chris whispered, burning teal eyes locked on mine. I felt everything crumbling around me, and I desperatley clung onto Chris.

"Please..Chris."

"Don't make this harder than it already is, Darren." Chris mumbled, tears running down his face.

"Chris we can work this out.."

"No we can't, y'know what..I can fix other people's hearts no problem, but you've broken mine beyond repair. This will never work, Darren. I'm done."

"Chris..."

"This hurts me as much as it hurts you, but this is going to make us both better men. _Please_...just take care of yourself." Chris leaned in and kissed my head softly, the spot tingling as he squeezed my hands firmly and let go. I scrambled for his hands but he was already walking away. I watched his retreating figure, this was it, he was _gone_ and he wasn't coming back.


End file.
